Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
