I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
