I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
