She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
