Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
