I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
