shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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