I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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