Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
