Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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