fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
