Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
