Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
