You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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