my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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