I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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