i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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