I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
