great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
