My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
