Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
