When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
