we have officially lost it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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