I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
