pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
