when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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