I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
