Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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