he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
