i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
