i need an iv and a liver transplant
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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