it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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