I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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