I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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