We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just puked most of my soul out..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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