i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize