Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
