Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
