My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
