Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
