So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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