Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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