lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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