i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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