so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
