so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
