Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
