I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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