oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize