So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
