I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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