I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
