Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
