I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
