Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
