went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
