I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my being single is dangerous.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize