i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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