how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
