I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
