Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Pants are for mortals
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
