ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
