Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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