On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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