I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
