Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
