Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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