She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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