I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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